There’s an old saying: when the student is ready, the teacher appears. I looked this up, trying to find where it came from. It’s pretty unclear. But it’s a truth that you know when you experience it. When you’re ready to level up and learn something, related things hit you differently. Certain interactions carry more weight and penetrate you deeper than they might have in other times.
Both today’s conversation and the next one I’ll be releasing were those kinds of conversations for me.
As many of you know, outside of the Meaning Movement I have a few other project. And while I was recording these episodes, I had a lot happening with one of them. It was a bit of a watershed moment. If you want to know more about my other project, go to themeaningmovement.com and subscribe.
All of which is to say I needed this conversation in ways that I didn’t expect.
Our guest, Itamar Marani, is a mindset coach. While that may sound a bit out there, he is anything but that. He’s down to earth and strategic in his approach.
He’s a former member of the Israeli special ops and jujitsu contender. He now helps entrepreneurs identify and overcome their internal obstacles.
There’s something in this conversation for everyone. Why? Because every time you change you need a new way of thinking. And you can’t always see what you need to change to become the next version of yourself, until you have someone helping you identify it.
Listen in here:
Subscribe: iTunes | Google Play | Stitcher | Overcast | SpotifyIn this episode you’ll learn:
- What Itamar does
- How he began his career
- How his military background has helped his career
- Why he moved on from military service
- What motivated his transition
- How he made the transition successful
- How to define mindset
- How to know if your mindset is off
- Three core fears that stop us from getting what we want
- How he work with clients on mindset issues
- How to improve your mindset
Resources Mentioned:
Sign up to Itamar’s “3 quick ideas” weekly newsletter & receive the 9 step blueprint to elite performance: https://itamarmarani.com/join-newsletter/
Learn more about Itamar’s coaching programs: https://itamarmarani.com/arena
Software Generated Transcription:
Dan
Itamar, thank you so much for joining me. Welcome to The Meaning Movement podcast.
Itamar
Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.
Dan
The question I like to begin with is, how do you begin to talk about the work that you do in the world?
Itamar
That’s an interesting question I’ve never been asked in that way. The way I usually begin is, honestly, people ask me what I do and say these days. What I do is I help entrepreneurs conquer their mind and help bridge the gap between what they should technically be able to do and what they currently are. And that’s basically the starting point. From there on we go, well, they ask, how do you learn this? Where do you pick this up from? And that’s when I go into my trajectory of the time, the Special Forces and the federal agency athletics and so on and so on.
Itamar
That’s usually where it starts.
Dan
I love, I love it. Well, I’d love to dig into some of that story because I know that not many kids aspire to be an entrepreneur mind coach. I’m sure it’s an interesting story that brought you here. So where did you begin your career?
Itamar
In the mindset coaching. So it was an accident. I didn’t mean to be a mindset coach. Basically, when at a certain point I was working for a billionaire, the security for his entire operation across the globe as mega yacht, very seams across the world. And so on. And I started to think to myself. I want a future where I can live with my family and not have to travel so much.
Itamar
And I read the four hour work week and I was like, I can build something like this. I can create a situation where I can basically have it all. And I thought to myself, alright, so I’m still a beginner of this business thing. I’ve never really given it a lot of thought. How can I immediately put myself in the vicinity of people who have been there, done that? And how could I also earn some equity with them to say, okay, Itamar is a really good guy. He’s starting out, but we like him.
Itamar
Let’s help him. So what I did was volunteered to give a talk about my lessons and the Special Forces, about my trials, tribulations what I learned from them. An entrepreneurial conference called Dynamite Circle in Bangkok. It’s a big conference. And I gave the talk. And at the end of it I was saying to them like, I’m not really sure where I went ahead with this. With my career. Right now I’m thinking about maybe starting an agency assass product, whatever it may be. And a lot of the guys there came to me and they were saying to me, what are you doing?
Itamar
Starting a SAS company or an agency? This is what you should be doing. And it was just kind of those moments where I was like, I never thought about I didn’t know that was a thing, I guess. Well, can we hire you and that’s gonna have fun? It was an accidental thing. It wasn’t a lot of intentionality around it.
Dan
Wow. Wow. It’s just like your talk in your story just resonated, right. And then kind of led you down this path. It sounds like.
Itamar
Yeah, I think it was less my story, but more they could see that I really wanted to help. And I think when they see someone who’s capable and actually has a genuine desire to help, and it’s not just a business transaction, they were like, this could be something that would be good for you. You would also enjoy.
Dan
Yeah, I love it. I love it. So when you joined Special Forces, I’d love to hear some of that trajectory, like what brought you to Special Forces. How long was that at that time? Was that where you thought you would be? Long term? What some of that earlier part of your career. What did that part of your journey look like? Yeah.
Itamar
So to give context on Israeli and in Israel, there’s a mandatory draft. So everybody at 18 by large has to get drafted. And it was one of those things where if you’re going to do something, you might as well do it properly. And if I’m going to spend three years of my life, it was three years of service back then doing something I want to go as high as I can. So there when I was around, I think 16, I came to that realization, and then you start training for it.
Itamar
You go through all the filters through all the tryouts and all that kind of jazz. And eventually I was able to get selected to basically our equivalent of Delta Force or the SAS, which is the most elite unit in the Special Forces. So the whole military, like Special combat, is ten of the military Special Forces, maybe one of combat. And then it was out of that. And I was very, very fortunate to be able to get in and be able to earn a spot starting out there.
Itamar
But my trajectory was a bumpy one. Yeah, it was a bumpy one because honestly, I came in there and I wasn’t ready for what that level of of mental intensity would require from you. I didn’t honestly want it bad enough. And my story was there that at around between month, four and six of the training there’s, what we call Advanced Unit bootcamp. Advanced Unit boot camp is basically eight weeks of hell week. You’re constantly sleep deprived. You’re under fed. You’re running up and down Hills, your body’s in total pain.
Itamar
You’re shaped everybody around you is cranky. And towards the end of Advanced Unit boot camp, it was one of those nights where it started raining. It just torrential downpour in the winter. And our officer said, Guys, get your key on. We’re going to go for a run and I’d always struggled with the runs. And I was also tired. And at the end of it and we started running. We kept running. And you never know how long these runs are going to be. You’re not allowed to look at our was they don’t tell you when it’s going to end.
Itamar
It’s this constant fog. And at one point during the run, I’m starting to get a little bit behind. And he comes to me that means, like, Tom, How’re you doing? I say, I’m good. I’m fine. He’s like, you sure? Yeah, I’m okay. And you sure? Because the truck right there, man, you can just take a break first. I can get your breath. It’s all good. I said, no, I’m good. He’s a very short truck right there. I said, okay. And I got a seat on the truck.
Itamar
And that was the moment I basically quit. I didn’t recognize that. But that was the moment I raised my hand and said, I’m done. And I got kicked out of the unit for that. And it was a very sharp reality check that I wasn’t ready back then, and I ended up getting filtered to another special Forces, not as elite, but still a good unit and serve there. And then after that, I went into after the military service, I still felt like I kind of had a chip on my shoulder, like I wanted to prove myself that I could be the best of the best, so to speak.
Itamar
And that’s when I went to the federal program, like our version of the FBI CIA, and I was able to be recorded into the Air motion program, which was the most prestigious program at the time. And I was able to graduate there after a very tough Gr course to the ten week program for everybody who’s special Forces. And I was able to graduate as the youngest air Marshal in the country’s history back then, which was really cool. And that kind of gave me closure, I guess, on the special forces path that I was able to do that.
Itamar
And then I did that for another two and a half years.
Dan
Yeah. And then was your plan to move on beyond military or I don’t know what the culture is as far as military. Are there real career guys stay in it long term, or is it kind of expected that you’ll move beyond and find something else?
Itamar
They’re absolutely career guys. The way I looked at it, I always thought I was going to do something extra, like my father was an officer. My brother was an officer. My mother was an officer. All my cousins were officer. So I always thought I’d do something beyond the three mandatory years. For me, it was just instead of going to officer school, I ended up doing the thing in the federal service. So I always have this kind of timeline that I’d probably do something around five years, six years.
Itamar
But then I wanted to move on in life.
Dan
Yeah. And were you always intense? I know you said you felt like you weren’t quite ready when you first got into it for that high level intensity and performance. But as a kid growing up at 16, when you made the decision, you’re going to go for Special Forces, were you a pretty intense kid?
Itamar
I was I was always through athletics, though judo, as a kid, even in basketball, I always had that intensity about me. But again, there’s levels. And honestly, it wasn’t that I wasn’t ready for that level of intensity in the first unit. I just wasn’t motivated from a correct place. I was there a lot because I just said I might as well do it and try to be as best as I can. And it was also something about status that it would be cool to say I’m from the best unit, but the why I was there wasn’t intact.
Itamar
And that’s really what I think hindered me the most.
Dan
Yeah, I’m curious about just that why piece what would be a better motivation? What would be, I guess the difference between you being there coming from a why that wasn’t quite where it needed to be lined up in the way that it needs to be. And someone who might be there for better reasons.
Itamar
That’s a great question. The y I had was relatively external. The status aspect. That’s an external thing. So when it comes down to how much do I want to impress other people or have that status, as opposed to how tired am I right now? And that’s kind of what it came down to at a very deep level, obviously wasn’t aware of at the time. That’s what it was. If the internal wide that I had, that would have been stronger, that I really felt this was a cause that was super important for me to be a part of.
Itamar
Also on a personal level, I’m here because I want to test myself and I want to use this as an opportunity to see how far I can push the boundary with my limits. That situation with the truck would have been an opportunity to say, oh, these are one of these tests that I signed up for. This is awesome. Let me push forward, but because they didn’t have that and my wife was externally motivated. That’s where the issue came about.
Dan
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. So after the federal program, you somehow ended up on a super yacht and working for a billionaire. I would love to hear something about some of that transition and that phase of life.
Itamar
Before I worked for the billionaire. After the federal program, I went to travel. I took a kind of half a year off. I went to travel, and I started doing a lot of Brazilian jujitsu, and I started seeing a little bit of success with it. And I thought to myself, what if instead of going to school right now, which was kind of the plan. I go get my first degree, that my Masters and so on. And so on. I tried to Brazil Ditto for real. And so I actually decided to move to Brazil.
Itamar
I lived and trained there full time. I compete in jujitsu on a pretty high level, the world Championship level three times. I’m a black belt now, and I tried my hand of that for a while. And it was a very, very kind of artistic journey. It’s a martial art, but it’s still artistic. There was not a lot of money there, but there was a lot of enjoyment in what I did, and I loved it. And I got to travel a lot and meet a lot of new people, create these really interesting relationships and experiences.
Itamar
And I got to test myself in a lot of ways. And that was about I think I do that full time for four years when I actually had sponsors and was kind of living that life alone after that, it was the billionaire billionaire timeframe.
Dan
Awesome. And then from billionaire to conference to coaching is like the other portions of your joining. Am I right? Correct?
Itamar
Yeah.
Dan
I I could see how, like, every piece of your journey just pursuing these really intense things, very physically demanding things, at least in the training side of special jobs. But also when you’re going about, you know what the word is? Missions. When you’re doing the work, it’s really your high level stuff where a lot is on the line and similar in some ways, I think, to jujitsu where you’re being tested, pushed and where one false move and you’re out of a match or have somebody else pinning you down and putting you in pain.
Dan
I can see how all of that in a lot of ways translates into into mindset into really having to own your thoughts. I would love to, I guess maybe just kind of dig into some of your expertise around mindset, but maybe just start by hearing you talk about how do you define mindset? What do we talk about when we talk about mindset?
Itamar
It’s a big question.
I guess mindset is what I say if there’s a gap between what somebody with your technical skill set should be achieving and what you actually are.
Itamar
That’S a mindset gap. It’s the simplest way to explain that if there’s something that you should be able to do, but you’re getting in your own way due to any kind of fear and insecurity, any illogical hesitation that’s usually a mindset thing. Does that make sense?
Dan
Yeah. Definitely. Are their thought patterns or major themes of ways that we get in our own way and thinking about people listening are like, okay, do I have a mindset problem? Is there something here for me? What would you say to someone who’s listening and asking that question? How do you know if your mindset is off.
Itamar
So first off, you can just ask yourself that question. Am I under performing with somebody else with my technical skill set? Should if you can answer that very clearly. Yup, I am. Then there you go. And you’re kind of asking. So what causes these things correctly? Here’s the thing. Sometimes we really, really want something in life. We think about it a lot. We wake up, we dream about it. We really want this thing really bad. But in reality, we’re more connected to something else. We don’t know that it’s subconscious, but in reality, we’re more connected to some kind of fear.
Itamar
And it’s not a fear of spiders or snakes or heights. It’s a fear of having a certain feeling. And this is something that usually gets in people’s ways. Now, all human beings suffer from these three core fears. And those are the fears that get in the way of us actually having what we want. These are the mindset blocks. So speak. And people feel differently in different levels, each one, but there’s three, and everybody feels them in one way or another. The first core fear is a fear of powerlessness.
Itamar
I hate feeling out of control. I hate when things don’t go my way. I hate that being able to know exactly how the situation is going to turn out. And that fear stops people from taking action. It needs to all this paralysis, analysis over thinking and all that kind of jazz, and it gets people to stop themselves. The second core fear is a fear of abandonment. Now the fear of random is I can’t do this because of what he might say or what she might say.
Itamar
Or I won’t do that because what if they leave me? What if they judge me and the crazy part about this fear of abandonment? It’s a very tribal, primal thing. When we think this, we usually don’t have a specific person in mind. It’s not like, oh, if I fail at this, what will Jane say about me or what will Jeff think it’s this ominous they and the problem with it is that because of this irrational, emotional fear of abandonment, we end up abandon what we really want in life.
Itamar
That’s kind of mindset gap. We abandon our business dreams, our hopes, our goals because we don’t want to get abandoned by somebody else. And we resorts other things because of it to compensate. And the third core fear is a fear of worthlessness. This is who am I to? I need to have a certain accolade before I’m able to. And I’m just not good enough. That’s a lot of impostor syndrome. And at the top level, these are the things that I see get in people’s way. As far as mindset, they’re not conscious of it.
Itamar
Usually they can just feel this invisible wall that they keep hitting. They’re not able to push themselves beyond a certain boundary. They keep working really, really hard, but not doing the scary things because of the scary thing that again will take them over the top because one of these three fears is getting in their way, and it’s just subconsciously. It’s holding the Mac. Yeah.
Dan
I love that we’re in your journey. Did you learn about these fears and how did you wrestle with them personally?
Itamar
So when I really learned about them, as I had in respect and kind of understand, why am I not realizing my own potential when I was competing in Brazil? And you did too? I always in the world Championship level. I got to the quarter finals three times, and every time that’s the match before you’re guaranteed a metal like you win that match, you’re guaranteed a metal. And every time before that match, I didn’t perform that match well. I performed well below my abilities. All of a sudden had some mental hiccup, and I just underperformed, and I had to really try to process why is that happening?
Itamar
And I realized that I thought that it would give me enough validation to overcome past failure. The past Felix on the special Forces that stuck with me. I thought if I had a metal, like I said, the first is really ever metal at the world Championship, that would give me validation that I’m a really tough guy. You know what I mean? That I’m an elite person, and it was something that I had to explore, and without getting too deep into it, I also had certain things happen when I was working undercover in the federal Service that left me with some PTSD that I wasn’t aware of.
Itamar
And around. I want to say 2016. A friend of mine. He imported me. Listen, what you went through is pretty extreme. You should get some help. And I was put in touch with the head of psychologist of the Mossad. We were able to work together for a good couple of years and help me understand a lot of these things, how they work. Why? My mind is working that way. What’s going on there and really kind of explore this whole puzzle called the human psyche and doing that work on myself, being able to first implement it on myself, then try to do with others.
Itamar
That’s really what allowed me to kind of refine this process and see this is what’s going on.
Dan
I love it.
Itamar
Yeah.
Dan
Wow. Thank you for sharing all of that. That’s intense. I keep saying intense. It seems like a theme of your life or at least the way that I see your life to appreciate it always it.
Itamar
Yeah. I never thought about myself that way, but I guess a lot of people keep saying that there might be something there.
Dan
I guess comparatively, you’re much more intense. You’ve lived a much more intense life than myself, and I guess that’s where it’s coming from. I’m curious as you engage with clients, what that process looks like? Where do you start? What’s the substance? Like, what’s the format? How do you go about working with some around mindset?
Itamar
So first off, I go about seeing if it’s the correct fit. And by that, I mean, is this someone that actually wants to put in the work to resolve this, like getting overcoming mindset issues on a real let’s get to the root cause of this and resolve this to a point where it doesn’t get any way. It’s not a super comfortable, fun, fluffy thing. And whenever people come to me and they want a little minor improvement or a morning routine or a primary routine or a month or anything like that, I recognize that this is not going to be a good face.
Itamar
So the first part is about understanding this is somebody who actually wants to make the put in the work, basically make the effort, put in the work and really get over this. That’s the first thing honestly needs to be established after that. The first thing we understand is, what do you actually want out of life? We got to ask you like, what do you want out of life? What’s your y, what’s driving you? What’s compelling you, what’s going to make you want to push through certain challenges.
Itamar
And we got to get Crystal clear on that. The moment we get really, really clear on what they want, and we can boil that down into basically two sentences. This is the driving force of their life. We don’t just use that for aspiration, but we set that as a standard. And we say this is just something to get motivated about. This is something to hold yourself to that if this is what you want out of your life, this is probably how you’re going to need to conduct yourself in order to make that a reality.
Itamar
And from there, do you want me to continue talking about the process, or is that the question? Yeah.
Dan
No. I would actually love to continue talking about the process once you have that standard in place, like, what happens next? What do you do?
Itamar
So we basically do a gap analysis. We say, what kind of human being would be able to achieve this? What are his values? What is his philosophy in various regards? What are the rules that he lives by? And then we do a very honest gap analysis. And we say, who are you right now? What are your values? How do you actually behave? What are your actual values now? Your perceived ones but your real ones that you behave on. How do you conduct yourself? And we say, okay, this is what’s going on.
Itamar
This is the gap. Let’s start bridging it. And we start bridging that gap from let’s call it a more intangible place. And one of the things I always tell people that kind of jolt them and they say, Listen, man, your values are relevant. And what I mean by that is that your current values are irrelevant if you’re trying to change and do something else, because if you’re if your values were working, so to speak right now, you already be the person you want to be. But we constantly have to adapt.
Itamar
And so after we do that, we also lay down more tangible framework, tell goals, KPIs and a pathway and a timeline and all that jazz. So you’re actually clear on what you need to do now, once someone has those two main pillars laid in, he has an understanding of the standard of who needs to become a pathway to get there. That’s all good and great. If we were machines and we could just operate and just get to it. But the reality is, as humans, we get in our way.
Itamar
We have emotions, we’re emotiondriven creatures. And then after we have those things we got to say, okay, let’s figure out your main mental blocks. Let’s figure out your main mindset issues, your insecurities, your fears, your beliefs that are just not true and are holding you back. Let’s first flush those out. Let’s see what they are. Then let’s assess if they’re actually true. Like, I’m not a fan of the whole limiting belief stuff because the guys I work with, I’m not going to get them to buy into something by saying, well, this limiting belief you would like to shed and feel really good about yourself.
Itamar
But if we can look at their beliefs and ask, Is this really true? What’s the context of this belief was formed under what’s the context of where you are and who you are today and in your situation, is this belief in the consequences of how you live your life? Because if it’s still relevant in 2021 or whenever it is, and when we can start doing that and asking, is it actually true and putting it through all these various filters, then they actually give themselves permission to let go of it.
Itamar
It’s either trying. But you’re like, you know, this isn’t really relevant anymore. And once we can resolve a lot of those things, I mean, those beliefs and those fees are always going to be there in a low level. But once we can shrink them down, they can start getting over in a day to day basis. That getting so tired. I was trying to get exhausted by getting burnt out, trying to override their emotions. And that’s basically the end of it. Beyond that, there’s various kind of, like mental tricks and tweaks and strategies we use, but that’s the meat and potatoes.
Dan
I love it. It feels like in a lot of ways, you’re kind of surfacing these things that are a part of a person’s psyche and part of who they are, that they’re often we often go through life unaware of them, and then you give them ways to interact with those those fears, those beliefs and become more aware of them and then moving forward. They have less power because of the work because they’ve named them because they’ve worked with them because they know they’re always going to be there because of that awareness.
Dan
It gives them choice, I guess, whether or not to be driven by them, right?
Itamar
Yeah. It’s beautifully said awareness is the first part. Once you’re aware of it, people always say they feel like they’re hitting invisible wall. Okay. So once you’re aware of these things, the wall isn’t invisible anymore. You can see it, so you don’t have to blind you ran into it. Now, beyond that, after the awareness part, there is a part about resolution about resolving these things. And that’s what I meant. Like, you can shrink the wall dramatically. You can dramatically shrink it. So it still exists there. But now also because you have that motivation that you said the standard for what you want life.
Itamar
And you have a pathway. And that pathway gives you a confidence that I can do it. You have just enough energy to jump over those little let’s call road bumps. Speed bumps. They’re not walls anymore. The little visible speed bumps. And that’s when you can really take action.
Dan
I love that. I’m curious. How do you think about the line between this kind of work and work of therapy and sex? And I know that you mentioned having gone through dealing with PTSD and that kind of thing. How do those two realms interact?
Itamar
That’s a very challenging question, because the Remo they called you so broad. And the variant of psychologists are also extremely, extremely broad. For example, the person I worked with was a very results oriented psychology. That was his process was to get you from .8 to being for performance. A lot of psychologists are honestly mostly capable of just holding space. Holding space for somebody is amazing. We’ve all had a time where we just wanted to talk something out with a friend, and I just feel like we’re being heard, and it definitely helps.
Itamar
However, I feel that’s more of it’s called like a Band Aid or a crutch. It doesn’t actually fix the problem. It doesn’t resolve it. And I think that’s a big thing. It’s a very tricky question that you asked because it’s such a broad subject. Psychology, I think people who have been through intense trauma, let’s call it anything from from rape or from losing a family member or a very like a very traumatic way when they were young or anything like that, that’s in the realm of psychiatry, that’s different.
Itamar
But those of us who have gone through is called a relatively normal life, and we’ve able to been seeing success. But there’s still something that were just like for the final pieces holding us back. That’s probably mindset.
Dan
Yeah. I think that’s well said, I’m curious as part of this process, I’m sure you’ve seen as you’ve been working with people, I imagine you work with a lot of high performers, I imagine. And you can tell me how true. This is. But this is the story I’m telling myself about the work that you do, high net worth individuals, entrepreneurs who are successful already. And I’m curious, what are some of the biggest changes that you’ve seen happen in someone’s life as a result to this process? And you don’t have to confidentiality and everything along those lines.
Dan
But even if there’s some stories or illustration of this person was in such a space, and then because of making these small tweaks major things happen just to kind of put some more meat on the bones of what this process can be like for people.
Itamar
So I’ll give an example of something that’s very common people in general. We have a lag. We have a lag between who we currently are and who we envision ourselves as we usually envision ourselves as the person we were five years ago or ten years ago or the kid we were during our childhood when the teacher yelled at us and that somehow stung and left to print. The thing I see most common with these guys is that all of a sudden when we’re able to flush that gap out and we’re able to help them see themselves for who they actually are today and the capabilities they have today, they’re able to let go a lot of their fears.
Itamar
And the biggest impact is on how much they work on what they work. Instead of working really hard on things that are secure and kind of safe, they recognize, you know what? I can work less if I do things that are more, quote, unquote scary, and that can get me where I want to go. And all of a sudden I feel that scary because they’re like, Wait, I’m actually very capable. I’m doing things that me five years ago would have thought was scary. But me of today, I have all the capabilities to do this.
Itamar
And one of the biggest things I see all these guys, all of a sudden, have more time to spend with their families, which is one thing they really, really want. And they have a sense of pride that they know they’re not just like waking up at 04:00, a.m. Trying to push harder or whatever it may be, but they’re actually going for it in a real way, not just working harder but working on the things that are hard to do and scary. And I get some of the results.
Dan
Yeah, that’s speaking my language. And I’m like, Man, I need more of that in my life, absolutely working less in general and more specifically on the bigger things, like feels like a little bit of the 80 20 principle, but the fear part.
Itamar
Yeah, wherever there’s fear, there’s going to probably lie opportunity because most people don’t want to venture into it. So in a very, very binary way, there’s basically two things you can do. You can either work really hard in a crowded place because it feels safe to everybody or you can venture and do something that’s a bit scary or a bit bigger, and you actually have less competition there. And like, if that fear wasn’t there, that opportunity wouldn’t be there either, because other people would be there. If we talk about, like, red ocean, blue ocean.
Itamar
The blue ocean is actually much scary to swim. And that’s why people then go it it’s much deeper. It’s much further. But there is abundance of opportunity there. And if you can recognize, you know what? I’ve already done a bunch of things in life that showcase that someone like me should be able to swim there. You give yourself the permission to go and try it.
Dan
I love that. It’s like you’re telling yourself the story, right? I can look back at my life and see the things that I’ve done, the abilities that I have, the track record that I’ve developed. And because of those things, I can go into these scary places without letting the fear control me.
Itamar
Exactly. And that even like an extra ripple to that when we do these kind of exercise them, I never tell them to think about it themselves, because once we think about something, what have I done? What am I capable of? There’s always an emotional attachment, that ego gets involved and a lot of mess happens. But if we externalize it and we say, let’s pretend somebody else’s, you say, what have they done? What have they accomplished? Should they be able to all of a sudden we’re able to paint a much clearer picture.
Dan
Yeah. It makes so much sense because it’s so much easier. It’s so much easier to.
Itamar
Yeah.
Dan
Tell stories about someone else and talk about how amazing someone else is or the things that they’re able to accomplish and to dream big dreams on their behalf, because you could take all the stories, all the negative stories and all the negative, the fears and everything out of it. And I think that the idea of externalizing it that feels like a really powerful, powerful tool. Yeah.
Itamar
That’s why it’s so much easier to give other people advice and to take our own advice. We have see if somebody came to me with all my problems that I can’t understand. I set them on their way in 30 minutes. They’d be good. And it really is that way.
Dan
It’s so true. That’s so true. I love it. I know a lot of people hit play on this podcast because they’re in a place where they feel stuck in some way. I know we I feel like there’s already been so much here that hopefully is really relevant to someone who’s in one of those kinds of spaces to look at their fears, to look at their beliefs, to look at the many ways that their mindset might be holding them back. But in case, if you have anything just to say directly to people who feel feel stuck in their careers, they don’t know what to do.
Dan
They want to make a change, but they’re not sure what needs to change. Is there anything that you would say, any recommendations you would make to people who are in that kind of a spot right now.
Itamar
I would keep it simple. I sign off all my newsletters with a simple moniker says Who Dares Wins. And it’s an interesting thing. Who Dares Wins? And it comes from the Special Forces from the British SAS, which is the godfather of all Special Forces units. And interesting thing to think about is this is Monica that says, Who Dares Wins and one of the most dangerous jobs on the planet. It’s held up for a very long time. So maybe there’s truth in it. Maybe your fears are not logical.
Itamar
Maybe we’re just evolved to be survival oriented creatures, as Phil think. We’re in the Savannah 100,000 years ago, and we think that anything we do that goes against what’s comfortable and safe right now can lead to possible being ostracized by our tribe and possibly dying. But the reality is in 2021 or wherever you’re hearing, this failure for you is probably not going to be fatal. You have so much wiggle room to dare and to try and to go for things that it’s unbelievable. And it’s something we have to recognize that our minds are not meant to thrive in 220, 20 month, they meant to survive.
Itamar
And that’s why I always say, like, Who Dares wins. If you feel stuck right now, if you feel unsure, go for it. The repercussions you’re likely to face are so small compared to the possible upside. That is something we can understand logically. But it is what it is. And simply put, Who Dares Wins?
Dan
I love that. That’s so good. I have goose bumps. I feel like that’s that message needs to be shouted from the rooftops. And I think every listening rewind the last two minutes and listen to that again, because I feel like that’s just a message that we all need to hear. So thank you.
Itamar
Yeah. And honestly, also, I signed that off to remind myself every time I need that reminder as well. I sign my emails to remind myself this is how I want to live it’s so, so good.
Dan
How do you in your own work? Think about words like and you can choose whichever ones are part of your vocabulary, but calling or purpose or fulfillment or legacy. Some of those bigger, existential questions about work and life and why we do the things we do.
Itamar
So one of the biggest somethings you hear, certain saying, certain sentences, certain quotes, and they kind of poke you in a deep way. The one I heard remember when I was 16, is that the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. And that’s something that’s been stuck with me ever since my work. I don’t tell people. Just make money. Like, I love that they make a lot more money, great for them. We help them become better individuals, better family, men, better mentors to their employees.
Itamar
And that fills me with purpose because I’m realizing that I’m making a macro difference because I’m working with a lot of leaders, and that has a trickle down effect. It gives me a ton of fulfillment to see that a ton of it. I like the group programs, the one on ones where I can see people, what’s going on with them and how they can also start kind of like passing on what they’ve learned and take that and show other people this is possible. You can be better.
Itamar
You can be a better human being. You can achieve more for yourself. You can drive society forward. I fulfilled is not a strong enough word for what that does to me.
Dan
It feels really rich. That’s the word that comes to mind. Really? That’s awesome. Very cool. Well, thank you so much for everything that you’ve shared here today and sharing your story. So much good stuff here, even just for myself personally, I need to dig into. And I know I need to work myself around many of these things, and so I’m definitely going to be taking much of this conversation to heart and ruminating on it over the coming days and weeks, and I don’t know, maybe even reaching out and setting up some more time to talk because I think there’s space for me to grow here.
Dan
So thank you for that challenge. If there are folks that are wanting to connect with you, further, follow along with what you do. Is there anything specific you’d like to invite them to?
Itamar
Yeah. So if you want to, if you’re just kind of interested, you can go to my website, itamarmarani.com. You can sign up for the weekly newsletter. It’s three quick ideas, kind of something in a mesh between us all James Clear and Tim Ferris, but about mindset and not about fluffy here’s a routine, but about really talking about why we can’t do the things that we want to do. It’s very quick. It’s very actionable. You can subscribe for that. Or if you really just want to dive in and say, this is something I want to tackle, and in time you can go to itamarmarani.com/coaching. You can see all the case studies of guys that have multiple, multiple times their incomes very, very quickly and also what they’ve done for them and emotional level, how much better they feel. And if so, sounds like something you want to do as well. You can apply to join one of our group programs or for the one on one coaching.
Dan
I love it. I love it. Well, I’ll make sure to link up to those in the show notes. Everybody can just click on through.
Itamar
Thank you very much.
Dan
Yeah. Follow along with the work you’re doing. I’m excited to follow along as well. Thank you so much for being on the show. I really appreciate having you.
Itamar
Thank you very much for having me. It’s a pleasure. I appreciate it.
