I opened the computer to begin writing and felt a twinge of dread. I had been in a rough place emotionally. I had been giving too much thought to all the things that didn’t feel like they were working out. I was feeling discouraged. Writing had been more difficult. I didn’t feel like I had much to give.
Stacia sat down across from me and said excitedly, “We haven’t had a morning like this in a while! I’ll get my book and we can just sit together!” I felt things shift in me immediately when I heard the tone in her voice.
This is fun for her! Why can’t it be fun for me?
I can get so caught up in trying to achieve and succeed that I live in the future. I’m so focused on where I’m going that I forget where I am. This can result in a difficult existence. I can put myself through a lot of toil to accomplish something that matters.
When I heard Stacia’s excitement over getting back to our routine, I realized how hard I have been on myself and how I’ve allowed that to absorb me. I wasn’t having fun. I wasn’t allowing myself to have fun.
But what if I could have fun now? Could I enjoy the process, even with things as they are? Could I make this work worth it?
I believe in hard work. I believe in hustle. But I also believe that work that matters will be life giving. My work matter, but I had forgotten that. I had forgotten what it means for me to help you know who you are and what you have to give. I had forgotten the joy that brings.
If the work isn’t fun in some way, I don’t want to do it. If work isn’t life giving, then it’s not worth doing. I realized that I had focused so much on achieving and success that I had forgotten about the reason I do this.
What if I gave myself permission to enjoy the process?
What if I allowed myself to have fun?
Could things work out and I get to have fun along the way? Could both of those happen at the same time? Could I enjoy the process and still do enough, be enough, accomplish enough, succeed enough? This feels like a foreign concept to me.
It’s my life and it’s going to go the way that I make it go (consciously and subconsciously), so why not enjoy the process? What if it could be more fun? What if if could be more free?
The shift was internal, but it made all the difference for me. That day was a really good day. That morning was a really fun morning.
What would happen if you let yourself have more space? What would happen if you let yourself have a sense of freedom? Even if you’re not where you want to be, what if you let yourself enjoy the process?