How To Have Passion

WORDPRESS POST TITLE: How to Have Passion in Your Life

CONTENT BEGINS BELOW (no H1 tag – WordPress generates from post title):

For years, I believed passion was something you either had or you didn’t—like some people were born with a compass pointing to their purpose, and the rest of us were just wandering. I was wrong.

Passion isn’t something you find—it’s something you develop. Research from Stanford and Yale shows that treating interests as developable (rather than fixed) leads to greater engagement, resilience, and long-term satisfaction. The key is shifting from a “discovery” mindset to a “cultivation” mindset: instead of waiting to stumble upon passion, you build it through deliberate engagement, skill development, and connecting activities to your deeper values.

Key Takeaways

• Passion is developed, not discovered: Research shows that people who believe interests can be cultivated are more resilient when things get challenging
• Skill development fuels passion: Getting good at something often precedes or accompanies passion—not the other way around
• There are two types of passion: Harmonious passion (healthy, under your control) leads to well-being; obsessive passion (controlling you) leads to burnout
• Practical cultivation strategies work: Connecting activities to personal values, seeking mentors, and building familiarity all contribute to passion development

The Problem With “Find Your Passion”

The advice to “find your passion” assumes passion is something you discover, fully formed and waiting for you. But research from Stanford shows this belief—that interests are fixed and must be found—actually makes people less likely to sustain engagement when things get difficult.

Here’s what happens. You try something new. It’s exciting at first. Then it gets hard. You hit resistance, confusion, boredom. And if you believe passion is something you “find,” you interpret that difficulty as a sign: “This must not be my passion.”

So you quit. And you try something else. Same pattern.

People who believe interests are fixed give up faster when pursuing new interests becomes challenging. Research by O’Keefe, Dweck, and Walton found that those with a fixed theory of interest are less likely to maintain engagement as material becomes more complex.

If you’ve ever felt like everyone else has found their passion and you’re still searching, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. The advice to “find your passion” isn’t just incomplete. It’s actively harmful for many people.

So if passion isn’t found, how does it develop?

The Science of Passion Development

Passion develops through engagement, not discovery. When researchers studied how people approach interests, they found two distinct mindsets: those who believe interests are fixed (and must be found) versus those who believe interests are cultivated through action.

This isn’t about positive thinking. It’s about accurate thinking. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology showed that a “develop mindset” of passion predicts the use of cultivation strategies— connecting activities to personal goals, seeking mentors, and building familiarity.

People with a growth theory of interest maintain interest when activities become difficult. Those with a fixed theory lose interest.

Think about someone trying rock climbing for the first time. Fixed mindset person: hits a challenging route, feels frustrated, thinks “I guess climbing isn’t for me,” and quits. Growth mindset person: hits the same route, feels the same frustration, but interprets it differently— “This is hard right now, but I can get better.”

The difference isn’t talent or natural ability. It’s belief about whether passion is possible to develop.

Cultivation strategies that work:

• Connecting activities to your personal values and long-term goals
• Seeking out mentors or communities in the area you’re exploring
• Building familiarity through consistent engagement (not sporadic attempts)
• Persisting through the initial difficulty curve
• Viewing challenges as normal, not as signals to quit

Here’s the thing: this reframe changes everything. You’re not waiting for lightning to strike. You’re building something deliberately.

The Two Types of Passion (And Why It Matters)

There are two fundamentally different types of passion, and only one of them leads to well-being. Harmonious passion is passion under your control—it’s integrated into your identity but doesn’t consume you. Obsessive passion is passion that controls you—it dominates your life and leads to burnout, work-life conflict, and relationship problems.

Psychologist Robert Vallerand defined passion as a strong inclination toward an activity that people like, find important, and in which they invest time and energy. But the type of passion matters enormously.

Harmonious passion means you control the activity. You love it, it’s part of who you are, but it doesn’t run your life. You can step away from it. You experience flow when engaged, and the activity enhances your well-being.

Obsessive passion means the activity controls you. You can’t stop thinking about it. You feel compelled to engage even when it conflicts with other parts of your life. You experience anxiety when you’re away from it. It leads to rigid persistence, burnout, and damaged relationships.

Think about the entrepreneur who deeply loves their startup but can still leave the office and be present with their family. That’s harmonious passion. Contrast that with the founder who misses their kid’s birthday because “the business needs me” and can’t disconnect on weekends. That’s obsessive.

If your passion is destroying your relationships and health, it’s not inspiration—it’s obsession. The goal isn’t just to have passion. It’s to cultivate the right kind of passion.

The Craftsman Approach to Passion

Instead of asking “What am I passionate about?”, ask “What can I become great at?” Cal Newport’s research shows that passion often follows skill development—not the other way around. When you get good at something, you’re more likely to love it.

The craftsman mindset focuses on what you can offer the world. The passion mindset focuses on what the world can offer you. One builds career capital; the other leaves you waiting. I love this distinction.

Career capital = rare and valuable skills that give you leverage and autonomy. As you develop these skills, passion emerges. You start to care more deeply. You experience flow more often. The work becomes meaningful because you’re contributing something valuable.

Think about someone who starts learning guitar. At first, it’s just interesting. Their fingers hurt. Chords sound clunky. But they keep practicing. They get better. And as they get better, something shifts. They start choosing to play even when they’re not scheduled to practice. They think about music during the day. That’s passion following mastery.

Waiting to feel passionate before you invest effort is backwards. You don’t need to feel passionate to start—you need to start to feel passionate.

All of this is helpful context. But what do you actually do?

How to Cultivate Passion (Practical Steps)

To cultivate passion, start by engaging consistently with activities that align with your values, even if you don’t feel passionate yet. Research shows that cultivation strategies—connecting activities to personal goals, seeking mentors, building familiarity, and persisting through difficulty—all contribute to passion development.

1. Adopt a growth theory of interests

Believe that passion is developable. This isn’t just mindset fluff—this belief predicts whether you’ll persist when things get hard. When pursuing a new interest became difficult, college students with a growth mindset maintained their interest, whereas those with a fixed mindset no longer found the topic interesting.

2. Connect activities to your values

Ask “Why does this matter to me?” Someone who values compassion might start volunteering at an animal shelter. Initially it’s just a commitment. But over time, as they build skills and see impact, genuine passion develops. The connection to their deeper values sustains them through the learning curve.

3. Build skill deliberately

Focus on getting better, not just doing. Take lessons. Get feedback. Practice with intention. Passion deepens as competence grows.

4. Seek mentors or community

Passion develops in relationship. Find people who are further along the path you’re exploring. Join a community of practice. Learning from others accelerates both skill development and emotional investment.

5. Expect difficulty (and persist anyway)

Resistance is normal, not a sign you’re on the wrong path. If you’re waiting to feel passion before you commit, you’ve got it backwards—commitment often precedes passion.

6. Notice flow experiences

When you lose track of time, pay attention. Flow experiences—deep engagement where challenge matches skill—both indicate and contribute to passion development.

7. Give it time

Passion development isn’t instant. It unfolds over months and years, not days. Trust the process.

As passion develops, here’s what to look for.

Recognizing Passion When It Emerges

Passion doesn’t announce itself with fireworks. It shows up quietly: you lose track of time, you think about the activity when you’re not doing it, you persist through setbacks that would have stopped you before.

Signs of developing passion:

• Losing track of time when engaged
• Thinking about the activity even when you’re doing something else
• Feeling energized rather than drained after engagement
• Persisting through difficulty that would have stopped you earlier
• Choosing to engage when you don’t “have to”
• Experiencing quiet satisfaction, even if it’s not dramatic

Passion feels different from obligation. You want to engage, not have to. It may not feel like fireworks—sometimes it’s just quiet satisfaction. And if it’s harmonious passion, it feels integrated into your life, not consuming.

The moment when you realize you’re researching something in your free time, not because you “should” but because you’re genuinely curious? That’s passion emerging. If you’re waiting for lightning to strike, you’ll miss the steady flame that’s been burning the whole time.

Why This Reframe Matters

Shifting from “find your passion” to “develop your passion” changes everything. Remember when I said some people seem to have a compass pointing to their purpose? That compass doesn’t exist. What exists is people who decided to start building.

It means you’re not broken if you haven’t found your calling yet. It means the activities you’re engaging with now—even if they don’t feel passionate yet—might become sources of deep meaning and satisfaction.

You’re not broken. You’re just using the wrong approach.

Passion is within your control to develop. It’s not about waiting for the perfect interest to reveal itself. It’s about choosing something aligned with your values, engaging with a growth mindset, building skill, seeking community, and persisting through the inevitable difficulty.

The journey matters. Engagement itself is valuable, even before passion fully develops. And when you reframe from waiting to building, you give yourself agency.

The best time to start building passion was years ago. The second best time is today.

Start with one activity this week. Engage with it deliberately. Notice where it connects to what you care about. Build skill. Give it time. And watch what develops.

I believe in you.