How To Figure Out Your Goals

To figure out your goals, start by clarifying your core values—research shows that goals aligned with what matters most to you are significantly more likely to be achieved and bring lasting satisfaction. Most people struggle with goal-setting not because they lack discipline, but because they’re trying to set goals before understanding what they actually want. The key is treating values as your compass and goals as specific destinations along the direction your values point.

Key Takeaways:

• Start with values, not goals: Goals aligned with your core values are significantly more achievable and satisfying than goals based on external expectations or what you “should” want.
• Values are directions, goals are destinations: Think of values as your compass—they point the way—while goals are specific places you reach along that path.
• Writing multiplies success: Research shows people who write down their goals and share progress with someone else achieve them 76% of the time, compared to much lower rates for those who don’t.
• Implementation intentions triple achievement: Making specific “if-then” plans for when and how you’ll work on your goals makes you three times more likely to succeed.

Why Most Goal-Setting Advice Misses The Point

The hardest part of figuring out your goals isn’t the goal-setting itself—it’s knowing what you actually want in the first place.

I remember lying awake at 2am, staring at the ceiling, wondering if what I was building was actually mine. You might be there right now. Scrolling through other people’s achievements, feeling like everyone else has it figured out except you. You’ve tried setting goals before. January resolutions, fresh starts, vision boards. But they fizzle out within weeks because— let’s be honest— they never felt like yours to begin with.

Here’s what most advice gets wrong. It jumps straight to SMART goals and productivity techniques, assuming you already know what you want. You don’t. And that’s not a character flaw. The “I don’t know what I want” struggle actually signals self-awareness— you’re refusing to chase goals just because someone else says you should.

Most people abandon their goals not because they lack willpower, but because the goals were never really theirs to begin with.

Research shows that 90% of people abandon New Year’s resolutions. Why? Because they’re pursuing someone else’s definition of success. The promotion your parents want. The body type social media says you need. The lifestyle your college friends seem to have.

Here’s the truth. The real problem isn’t your discipline. It’s that you’re trying to set goals before understanding your values. Skip this step and you’ll keep setting goals that feel like obligations instead of opportunities. And no amount of productivity hacks will fix that.

Start With Your Values, Not Your Goals

Goals aligned with your deeply held values are far more likely to be achieved and bring lasting satisfaction than goals based on external expectations or what you think you “should” want.

Here’s the thing most people miss: values and goals aren’t the same thing. According to ACT therapy literature, “values are like directions we keep moving in, whereas goals are what we want to achieve along the way.” Think of it this way— your value might be “being creative.” Your goal might be “finish writing a novel by December.” The value points the direction. The goal marks how far you’ve traveled.

Why does this distinction matter? Research on self-concordance— a concept from psychologists Koestner and Ryan— shows that goals aligned with your deeply held values are far more likely to be pursued and attained. They feel like desires, not obligations.

This connects to Self-Determination Theory, developed by psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan. They identified three psychological needs that determine whether goals feel energizing or draining: autonomy (it’s your choice), competence (you can actually do it), and relatedness (it connects to something meaningful).

Goals that meet these needs? You’ll stick with them even when they’re hard. Goals that don’t? They feel like grinding through someone else’s to-do list.

Here’s the comparison:

Your values are your compass. They point the way. Your goals are waypoints along that path— places you can reach and celebrate before moving forward.

How To Identify Your Core Values (Practical Exercise)

The most effective way to identify your core values is through structured reflection exercises that reveal patterns in what brings you meaning and fulfillment.

One of the most useful tools is the Bull’s Eye exercise, developed by psychologist Tobias Lundgren. I love this exercise. It divides life into four domains: work/education, relationships, personal growth/learning, and health/leisure. For each domain, you ask: What kind of person do I want to be in this area? What matters to me here?

But you don’t need a formal worksheet to start. Here’s what works: look for patterns in your own experience.

Your values show up in what you get angry about, what you can’t stop talking about, and what you’d do even if no one was watching.

Try these reflection questions:

• When do you feel most alive and engaged? (Not “happy”— alive. There’s a difference.)
• What makes you angry or frustrated? (Anger often signals violated values— if you’re mad that people don’t listen to each other, “respect” or “connection” might be core values for you.)
• What would you do even if you weren’t paid for it?
• Looking back at meaningful moments in your life, what made them meaningful?
• What do you want people to say about you when you’re not in the room?

Here’s what to watch for: the difference between your values and inherited values. Your parents’ values aren’t necessarily yours, and that’s okay. If you notice you’re “supposed to” value something but don’t actually care about it, that’s data. Let it go.

For example: If you notice you’re most energized when helping others solve problems, “service” might be a core value. If you find yourself constantly seeking new experiences and learning, “growth” or “curiosity” might be central. The pattern is the insight.

Once you’ve spent time reflecting, you’ll start seeing 3-5 values that keep showing up across different areas of your life. Those are your compass. Now you can set goals that actually point in the direction you want to go.

From Values To Goals— The Translation Process

Once you know your values, creating meaningful goals is about asking “What specific actions or milestones would move me in this direction?”

A value points the way; a goal marks how far you’ve traveled in that direction.

Here’s the translation framework: Start with a value. Ask what direction it points. Then identify a specific, achievable goal that moves you in that direction. Let’s make this concrete:

Notice how each goal has a clear endpoint— that’s what makes it a goal rather than a value. “Being creative” never ends. But “finish the first draft by June 30”? That’s something you can achieve, celebrate, and then set the next goal.

This is where SMART goals become useful— but only after you know your values. Goal-setting theory, developed by psychologists Edwin Locke and Gary Latham, demonstrates that specific, challenging goals lead to higher performance than vague “do your best” intentions. In fact, their research found a correlation of r=0.82 between goal difficulty and performance. That’s huge.

But here’s what people get wrong about SMART goals: they’re useful only after you know your values. Otherwise you’re just efficiently pursuing the wrong things. A perfectly specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound goal that doesn’t align with what matters to you? That’s still the wrong goal.

Here’s where it gets powerful: multiple goals can serve one value, and one goal can serve multiple values. For instance, “host monthly dinners” serves both connection and creativity if you’re expressing yourself through cooking. Look for that synergy— it’s where goals become energizing instead of exhausting. That’s the difference between a to-do list and a life.

What Makes Goals Stick— The Psychology Of Achievement

Research consistently shows that three factors dramatically increase goal achievement: writing your goals down, creating specific implementation plans, and sharing progress with someone else.

Here’s what the data says. In a study by psychologist Gail Matthews, 76 percent of participants who wrote down their goals, created action commitments, and provided weekly progress to a friend successfully achieved their goals. Compare that to groups who didn’t write goals down or didn’t share progress— the success rate drops significantly.

Why does writing work? It’s not magic. Writing forces clarity. Sharing creates accountability. But there’s a third piece most people miss: implementation intentions.

Research by psychologist Gabriele Oettingen shows that people who set clear “if-then” implementation intentions are three times more likely to achieve their goals than those who don’t. These are specific plans for when and how you’ll work on your goal. Not “I’ll exercise more.” Instead: “If it’s 7am on a weekday, then I will do 30 minutes of strength training before checking email.”

Here’s what people get wrong about willpower— it’s not about being tougher, it’s about being smarter with planning. You don’t need more discipline. You need better systems.

How to create effective implementation intentions:

• Specific timing: “If it’s [day/time], then I will [action]”
• Environmental cue: “If I’m at [location], then I will [action]”
• After existing habit: “After I [existing habit], then I will [new action]”
• Obstacle planning: “If [obstacle occurs], then I will [alternative action]”

For example: “If it’s Monday/Wednesday/Friday at 6pm, then I will write for 45 minutes.” Or: “If I feel the urge to scroll social media, then I will read one page of a book instead.”

The other piece? Mental contrasting. Visualize success AND visualize obstacles. Most people just imagine the outcome (finishing the marathon, getting the promotion). But research on MCII (Mental Contrasting with Implementation Intentions) shows you need both— imagine achieving the goal, then imagine the obstacles you’ll face, then plan how to handle them.

This is why self-concordant goals persist even when they’re difficult. When the goal is aligned with your values, you have a reason to push through obstacles. It’s not about the goal itself— it’s about who you’re becoming in the process.

Common Questions About Goal Setting

Here are the most common questions people have when figuring out their goals— and research-backed answers.

Should my goals be realistic or ambitious?

Research shows that challenging goals lead to higher performance than easy ones— but they must still be achievable. The sweet spot is goals that stretch you without breaking you. Locke and Latham’s work found that difficult goals produce higher performance— but if a goal feels completely impossible, you won’t commit to it. Aim for “hard but doable.”

What if my values seem to conflict with each other?

This is common. You might value both “adventure” and “stability,” for instance. The solution is prioritization and integration. Which value matters more in this season of life? Or can you find goals that serve both? Example: A stable job that includes quarterly travel projects. Integration beats either/or thinking.

How often should I revisit my goals?

Your values tend to stay stable, but your goals should evolve. Review quarterly to assess progress and adjust. What made sense in January might need revision by April based on what you’ve learned. I’d suggest checking in every 90 days— long enough to make real progress, short enough to course-correct if needed.

What if I achieve a goal and feel empty instead of satisfied?

I’ve been there. This usually signals the goal wasn’t aligned with your actual values— you were pursuing something you thought you “should” want. It’s a valuable data point. Go back to values clarification. What would have felt meaningful? Use that insight for the next goal.

Can I have too many goals?

Absolutely. Better to achieve 3 meaningful goals than partially pursue 15. Research on implementation intentions shows that focus matters— your attention is finite. Start with 1-3 goals per value domain (work, relationships, health, growth). Master those, then add more.

Your Next Step— Putting This Into Practice

The most important next step is simple: spend 30 minutes this week on values clarification before setting any new goals.

You don’t need to figure out your entire life this week. Just start with values. Use the reflection questions above. Notice patterns. Write down 3-5 values that keep showing up.

Then, next week, identify 1-3 goals that align with your top 2-3 values. Not ten goals. Not a complete life overhaul. Just 1-3 specific, achievable milestones that move you in the direction your values point.

And this month? Create implementation intentions for those goals. Write down the “if-then” plans. Share your goals with one person who will check in on your progress. That’s it.

Goals without values are just tasks. Values without goals are just dreams. You need both.

This work— figuring out what you actually want— is part of the larger work of finding your life’s purpose. It’s not separate from discovering your calling— it’s part of it. And if you want more structured tools for self-discovery, career assessment tests can help you identify patterns you might not see on your own.

Remember that 2am feeling? The wondering, the scrolling, the sense that everyone else knows something you don’t? Here’s what I’ve learned: they don’t. Most people are wandering. The difference is that some people have decided to walk anyway.

You don’t need a map. You just need to take the next step.

Here’s your action plan:

1. This week: Complete the values clarification exercise (30 minutes)— use the reflection questions in Section 3
2. Next week: Identify 1-3 goals that align with your top 2-3 values
3. This month: Create specific implementation intentions and share your goals with one person who will check in on your progress

For deeper exploration, check out some of the best books on finding purpose— many of them walk through values clarification and goal-setting in more detail.