To “get a life” means expanding your identity beyond work to include meaningful relationships, personal interests, and a sense of purpose. Research from Harvard’s 80-year Study of Adult Development found that relationships are the single strongest predictor of happiness and fulfillment—stronger than wealth, career success, or fame. Building a life outside work requires intentional investment in hobbies, social connections, and activities that align with your values.
If you’re asking this question, you’ve probably felt it— that nagging sense that something’s missing. Work fills your days. But does it fill your life?
I get it. I’ve been there—staring at my calendar, seeing nothing but work blocks, wondering when my life became my to-do list. It’s a specific kind of loneliness, being busy but feeling empty.
Key Takeaways:
- “Get a life” = become multi-dimensional: It means deriving fulfillment from multiple areas—relationships, hobbies, purpose—not just work
- Relationships are the #1 predictor of happiness: Harvard’s 80-year study confirms this repeatedly
- Many professionals become “unidimensional”: HBR research shows this pattern often leads to poor health and limited relationships
- Feeling unfulfilled is information: That restlessness is your internal compass pointing toward what’s missing, not a sign of failure
- Small steps build momentum: You don’t need a complete life overhaul—start with one relationship or one hobby
Table of Contents:
- What Does “Get a Life” Really Mean?
- Why Do People Feel Like They Don’t Have a Life?
- What Makes a Fulfilling Life?
- Practical Steps to Build a Life Outside Work
- Common Obstacles (And How to Overcome Them)
- The Connection to Meaning and Purpose
- FAQ
What Does “Get a Life” Really Mean?
“Get a life” means deriving value and fulfillment from multiple areas of life—not just work—including meaningful relationships, personal interests, hobbies, and a sense of purpose.
As an insult, it stings. But as a question, it’s worth asking.
Getting a life doesn’t mean becoming a different person— it means expanding who you are beyond a single dimension.
Many people define themselves almost entirely by their careers. “What do you do?” is often the first question we ask each other. And when work becomes your entire identity, the other areas of life start to atrophy.
I love how Craig Stanland puts it— “Get a life” means deriving value from other aspects—relationships, interests, hobbies, personal growth. It’s not about abandoning your career. It’s about becoming more than your job title.
Here’s why the phrase resonates— many people feel like life is passing them by. They’re achieving. But they’re not really living.
But why do so many people feel like they don’t have a life in the first place?
Why Do People Feel Like They Don’t Have a Life?
Many people feel like they “don’t have a life” because they’ve become unidimensional—focusing so heavily on work that other life areas have atrophied.
According to Harvard Business Review research, this is remarkably common:
“Well-adjusted and purposeful people with diverse interests go off track. They become unidimensional, focusing solely on work success for money, status, meaning, impact, adrenaline, or something else.”
The pattern is predictable. Work provides income, identity, status, and sometimes meaning. It’s easier to invest in something that rewards you consistently. Other areas—friendships, hobbies, health—require effort without immediate payoff. So they get neglected.
And here’s what happens— those neglected areas atrophy. Ten years pass. You realize you haven’t made a new friend in a decade. You can’t remember what you used to do for fun.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
Modern pressures amplify the problem. Always-on culture. Hustle mentality. The unspoken expectation that you should be available, responsive, working.
But here’s the reframe— that restlessness you feel isn’t a sign that something’s wrong with you. According to The Meaning Movement, that discomfort isn’t a sign that something’s wrong with you— it’s your internal compass trying to recalibrate.
The feeling of emptiness is useful information.
Not weakness.
So what does a fulfilling life actually look like?
What Makes a Fulfilling Life?
Research shows fulfilling lives share common elements— strong relationships (the #1 predictor of happiness), purposeful activities, continuous personal growth, and contribution to others.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development—running for over 80 years—found that relationships are the single strongest predictor of happiness. Not wealth. Not career success. Not fame.
Relationships.
But here’s an important distinction— happiness and meaning aren’t the same thing.
According to UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, researcher Roy Baumeister found that a meaningful life and a happy life overlap but differ. Happiness is present-focused—satisfying needs. Meaning involves contributing to something larger, sometimes through struggle.
You can have happiness without meaning. And meaning without happiness. The most fulfilled people have both.
Psychology Today notes that Martin Seligman’s research shows that combining joy, engagement, and purpose leads to greater life satisfaction.
What does this mean practically? A fulfilling life typically includes—
- Strong relationships: Family, friendships, community
- Purposeful activities: Work that matters, hobbies that engage
- Personal growth: Learning, developing, stretching
- Contribution: Giving back, helping others
You don’t need all four areas thriving simultaneously. But having multiple sources of meaning creates resilience. When one area suffers, others sustain you.
Now let’s get practical. How do you actually build a life outside work?
Practical Steps to Build a Life Outside Work
Building a life outside work starts with scheduling non-negotiable time for non-work activities, investing in relationships, rediscovering hobbies, and identifying what energizes you beyond your career.
Don’t wait to find a life outside of work when work ends. Start living your authentic life now.
1. Invest in Relationships
Relationships don’t maintain themselves.
- Schedule regular time with friends and family
- Initiate—don’t wait to be invited
- Reach out to one person today
Making friends as an adult is hard. It requires proximity, repetition, and shared activity. But it’s necessary. Those Harvard researchers weren’t kidding about relationships being the #1 predictor of happiness.
2. Develop Hobbies
What did you love before work took over?
This research is so, so important— according to research published in 2025, hobbies address work-life balance stresses, promote skill development, and address loneliness by encouraging social connections. Indeed research confirms that hobbies serve as powerful stress relievers.
- Try activities without needing to be good at them
- Give yourself permission to do things “for no reason”
- Rediscover what you enjoyed at age 10, 16, 22
3. Schedule Non-Work Time
If it’s not on the calendar, it doesn’t exist.
- Protect personal time like you protect meetings
- Create boundaries around work hours
- Start with one evening per week that’s work-free
4. Identify What Energizes You
What makes you feel alive outside work?
- What would you do if money weren’t a factor?
- What activities make time disappear?
- What have you always wanted to try?
5. Start Small
You don’t need a complete life overhaul. One hobby. One friend date. One boundary.
Build momentum through consistency, not dramatic gestures.
Here’s how to navigate common obstacles.
Common Obstacles (And How to Overcome Them)
Common obstacles to building a life include “I don’t have time,” “I don’t know what I like anymore,” and “I don’t know how to make friends as an adult.”
Let’s address them directly.
“I Don’t Have Time”
You don’t find time for what matters— you make time. The question isn’t whether you have time. It’s what you’re prioritizing.
Your calendar reveals your values. What does yours say?
Try a time audit— track how you actually spend time for one week. You’ll probably find more flexibility than you thought.
Start with 30 minutes per week. Not hours.
Minutes.
“I Don’t Know What I Like Anymore”
This is common after years of work focus. Your interests didn’t disappear— they went dormant.
Ask yourself:
- What did I love doing as a kid?
- What would I do if I had a completely free Saturday?
- What have I always wanted to try?
Give yourself permission to be bad at things. Hobbies don’t require competence.
“Making Friends as an Adult Is Hard”
It is hard. And it’s necessary.
Adult friendship requires intentionality that childhood friendship didn’t. Kids had proximity built in—school, neighborhoods. Adults have to create it.
Join groups around shared interests. Show up consistently. Initiate.
Friendship needs three things— proximity, repetition, and shared activity. Engineer all three.
“I Feel Guilty Taking Time for Myself”
Rest is not laziness. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Self-care isn’t selfish. It enables better work, better relationships, better everything.
The guilt is a habit. It’s not truth. You possess more freedom than you realize.
Let’s connect all of this to meaning and purpose.
The Connection to Meaning and Purpose
“Getting a life” isn’t just about work-life balance— it’s about living a meaningful life where multiple areas contribute to your sense of purpose and fulfillment.
This is what most advice misses.
Balance is the wrong frame. It implies equal distribution—spending exactly as much time on hobbies as work. That’s not the point.
The point is meaning. What do you want life to be about?
According to The Meaning Movement— living with purpose isn’t about dramatic gestures— it’s about small, consistent choices that align with your values.
Purpose can extend beyond work. Your job might provide income while your real sense of purpose comes from volunteering, parenting, creating, or building community.
Here’s the reframe— your restlessness isn’t a problem to fix. It’s a signal to follow. That discomfort is pointing toward what’s missing.
You don’t need a complete overhaul. You need alignment. Small choices, made consistently, that move you toward the life you actually want.
If you want to explore this further, consider finding your purpose—not as a one-time discovery, but as an ongoing practice.
FAQ
How do you get a life?
Getting a life means expanding your identity beyond work to include meaningful relationships, personal interests, and a sense of purpose. Start by scheduling non-negotiable time for non-work activities, investing in relationships, and rediscovering hobbies. Small, consistent steps matter more than dramatic changes.
Why do I feel like I don’t have a life?
You may have become “unidimensional”—focusing so heavily on work that other life areas have atrophied. This is common among ambitious professionals. The feeling of emptiness is useful information— your internal compass pointing toward what’s missing, not a sign of failure.
What makes a fulfilling life?
Research shows fulfilling lives share common elements— strong relationships (the #1 predictor of happiness), purposeful activities, continuous personal growth, and contribution to others. It’s not about having everything, but about developing multiple meaningful dimensions.
How do I make friends as an adult?
Adult friendship requires intentionality. Join groups around shared interests, initiate rather than waiting to be invited, and be willing to invest time in building connections. Friendship needs three things— proximity, repetition, and shared activity.
Taking the First Step
“Getting a life” isn’t about abandoning your career. It’s about becoming more than your job title.
The research is clear— relationships matter more than career success for long-term happiness. Hobbies reduce stress and build connection. Multiple sources of meaning create resilience.
Start small. One relationship. One hobby. One evening protected from work.
That restlessness you feel? It’s not a failure. It’s your compass pointing toward what’s missing.
You don’t need a perfect plan. You need one action. Today.
I believe in you.
