I stood in my kitchen, staring at the pile of unwashed dishes as tears welled up in my eyes. The dishes weren’t really the problem – they were just the final straw. My work deadlines were mounting, relationships felt strained, and it seemed like every aspect of my life was spiraling beyond my grasp. I took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure, but the weight of it all felt suffocating. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was merely existing rather than truly living, as if I were caught in a cycle of endless chores. Maybe, amidst the chaos and clutter, I needed to pause and reflect on finding your life’s meaning, rather than just pushing through each day.
Have you been there? That moment when life feels completely out of control, and you’re barely keeping your head above water?
You’re not alone. Recent studies show that over 70% of adults regularly experience feelings of being overwhelmed and out of control. But here’s what I’ve learned through my own journey and from working with others: feeling out of control doesn’t mean you are out of control. There’s a path forward, and I’ll show you how to find it.
Understanding the Root of Control Issues
When life feels chaotic, our instinct is to grab onto anything that might give us a sense of stability. But like trying to hold onto water, the tighter we grip, the more control seems to slip through our fingers.
The truth is, our desire for control often stems from a deeper place – our fundamental need for safety and certainty in an uncertain world. It’s not just about the messy house or the overwhelming inbox; it’s about feeling secure in our place in the world.
I remember working with Sarah, a client who came to me feeling completely overwhelmed by her life. “Everything is falling apart,” she told me, her voice shaking. But as we dug deeper, we discovered that her sense of losing control had more to do with recent life changes than actual chaos. We explored her feelings surrounding these changes, from a recent job loss to a relationship shift, and slowly, she began to see a pattern. Through our conversations, she started to identify her strengths and the potential for growth in her circumstances, ultimately finding hope in dark times. By the end of our sessions, Sarah had transformed her perspective, realizing that even in moments of uncertainty, there is always a path forward if one is willing to seek it. Together, we explored the transitions she was facing, from a recent job loss to shifting family dynamics, and began to identify small steps she could take to regain a sense of stability. It was empowering to see her slowly unravel the narrative of despair, as she realized that these changes could also bring about new opportunities for growth. By the end of our sessions, Sarah was not only managing her anxiety but was also finding hope in difficult times, recognizing the strength that resides within her to navigate life’s challenges. Through our conversations, Sarah began to recognize the strengths she had developed in navigating these transitions. Instead of succumbing to despair, she learned to reframe her perspective, seeing these changes as opportunities for growth. With each revelation, she started to embrace the idea of finding hope in challenging times, realizing that even amidst uncertainty, there was a path forward waiting for her.
The Hidden Gift in Losing Control
Here’s a perspective shift that changed everything for me: What if feeling out of control isn’t a problem to fix, but an invitation to grow? This shift in perspective has allowed me to embrace uncertainty as a part of life’s journey rather than a burden. Instead of scrambling to regain control, I’ve chosen to lean into the chaos, recognizing it as an opportunity for personal development. In doing so, I’ve discovered that finding real happiness in life comes from accepting the unfolding of experiences rather than resisting them.
Think about a time when you felt most alive. Chances are, it wasn’t when everything was perfectly ordered and controlled. It was probably when you were stepping into something new, taking a risk, or embracing uncertainty.
The illusion of control often keeps us small. When we let go of needing to control everything, we create space for:
- New possibilities we couldn’t see before
- Deeper connections with others
- Unexpected opportunities for growth
- A more authentic way of living
Finding Your Center When Everything Feels Chaotic
Start small. Really small. When everything feels overwhelming, focus on what’s directly in front of you:
- Create a morning ritual that grounds you
- Set one achievable goal each day
- Find one thing you can control and focus there
Remember that river I mentioned? Instead of fighting the current, learn to navigate it. This might mean:
- Accepting what you can’t control
- Identifying what you can influence
- Taking small, consistent actions in those areas
Building Resilience for the Long Haul
The goal isn’t to eliminate uncertainty – that’s impossible. The goal is to build your capacity to stay centered even when life feels unpredictable. By cultivating resilience and adaptability, we can learn to navigate the twists and turns that life throws our way. This process often involves embracing discomfort and uncertainty, as they are integral to growth and understanding. Ultimately, it’s about finding hope in difficult times, allowing us to forge ahead with confidence even amidst chaos.
Think of resilience like a muscle. Each time you face uncertainty and find your way through, you’re getting stronger. Each moment of chaos becomes an opportunity to practice staying grounded.
One practice that’s helped me enormously is what I call the “Three Breaths Rule.” When everything feels overwhelming, stop and take three deep breaths. Just three. It seems simple, but it creates a moment of space between the chaos and your response to it.
As we wrap up, I want you to remember something important: feeling out of control is not a personal failure – it’s a human experience. And like all human experiences, it carries within it the seeds of growth and transformation.
What small step can you take today to begin finding your center? Sometimes, the simple act of asking this question can be the beginning of finding your way back to solid ground.
Remember, you don’t have to figure it all out at once. Start where you are, with what you have, and take it one breath at a time.
