We are taught that it is best to know the answers. School reinforces this over and overβ youβre supposed to know the right answer to every question asked.
Itβs a painful moment to have to tell your teacher that you donβt know something that youβre supposed to know in front of all your classmates who already know it (or at least pretend to).
Itβs embarrassing. It feels exposing and shameful.
The βstupid questionβ β as in, βThis might be a stupid question, butβ¦ββ points out the places where we feel like weβre supposed to know something that we donβt.
Heaven forbid that weβre caught not knowing something in front of our friends.
Some teachers try to put our fear of not knowing to rest by telling us, βThere are no stupid questions.β Yet, if everyone else knows the answer and we donβt it still feels like a stupid question.
The fear of not knowing can stick with us as we leave the education system and find our way in the world. We try to avoid getting caught not knowing and stay close to what we do know and can lean on. This apprehension often shapes our choices, leading us to cling to familiarity and resist taking risks. In storytelling, we can see the potential of fear as a narrative tool, illustrating characters who grapple with their uncertainties and learn to confront them head-on. By embracing the unknown, we can transform our fear into a catalyst for growth, unlocking new opportunities and pathways that we might never have considered before.
Itβs time to get used to not knowing [tweet this]
Iβm getting better at it, slowly. Iβm getting better at just trying things to see what happens. A few years ago I wouldnβt take action until Iβd read everything possible about the possibilities. (Just ask Stacia how many books I checked out from the library about dogs before we took the plunge and adopted our dog, Lina!) I wouldnβt try until I knew everything there was to know, and even then Iβd still be hesitant.
There are many things that I donβt know: how to build a blog, how to write a book, how to launch a cohort. All of these things are past the edges of what I know. I donβt know if Iβm going about them the right way, but Iβm trying.
What donβt you know that you find yourself wanting to do?
- Maybe youβd start a business, except you donβt know how to run a business.
- Maybe youβd create a product, but you donβt know how to create a product.
- Maybe youβd try to connect with a company that you love and admire, but you donβt know how to get in the door.
- Or maybe something way more interesting than any of these.
You donβt have to know how to get all the way from where you are to where you want to go. The challenge with most good things is that thereβs no map. [tweet that]
Itβs easier to search for answers than it is to actually do the work.
You have to make it up as you go. You get to make it up as you go.
How about you? What would you do if you only knew how? What do you put off trying because you donβt know everything it will require? Share in the comments.
Not to be contradictory, but what do you say to people who are afraid to ask the question? People who donβt know how to create the question? Personally, it seems easy to run with the idea once a question has been formed. Google, networking, contacts, acquaintances; the necessary tools are only a few clicks away. But how to create the questions, that is what makes me pause and stutter and question my situation and my response.
I think thatβs a great question, Annie. And Iβm not totally sure how to answer it, yet. Iβm curious if the question isnβt what youβre looking for, but something beneath the question? It feels like youβre wanting a something here, but youβre not sure what the question is. What is it that youβre wanting/seeking? I think thatβs where the questions come from. Does that make sense?
I am someone who is terrified of not knowing the outcome or answer of some things. Im afraid of being wrong or being perceived as a fool. I also am TERRIBLE at forming questions or finding a direction. This relates to everything, work, social, dating, etc. The fear of not knowing the outcome almost stops me from even trying. What would you suggest in this case?
Hi Phillip! Great question. Thanks for reaching out! Iβd suggest that you start small and push into your fear in tiny steps.
For example, letβs say you meet a person youβd like to get to know at in a social setting. Youβre afraid to talk to them and feel intimidated. Whatβs the smallest step you can take? Maybe you just say one thing or ask a simple question. It might not lead to a whole conversation or the beginning of a friendship, but itβs something manageable that you can do in order to step into and face your fear.
What often happens is that we find fear to be making a bigger deal about something that it shouldnβt.
Where we often go wrong is by jumping into the deep endβ trying to become that personβs best friend. Youβll fail and reinforce the narrative that you canβt talk to people β or whatever it may be.
Does that help?
Just wanted to say thank you for this inspirational and wise article! It is positive and so true, and it contains ideas that bear reminding. This is my boat right now. Iβve got to overcome. Thanks for the help along the way.
Thanks Holly! Glad itβs helpful!
How about the idea that there is nothing to know since it all has been and is being and will be thought for you. You may then realize that there is nothing to know since there are no more questions. This might be the fear of knowing who you really are.
Nice Max! Thatβs deep. I dig it