About 5 months ago I came closer to death than I’ve ever been. On a Tuesday afternoon, much like every other, I started having a stomach ache. It wasn’t that much unlike other stomach aches I’ve had. I thought it was my dinner.
Fast forward a few days. A trip to the emergency room and a CT scan revealed that my intestines were literally in a knot. They couldn’t get enough pain killer into me to help with the pain. Morphine? No effect. Fentanyl? Nothing. None of the strong stuff was strong enough.
Moments later I’m in the surgical prep room and they’re walking me through all of the possible scenarios they may encounter once they have me opened. They may have to remove part or all of my intestines. I might have to use a colostomy bag from here on out.
That’s when I realized just how serious things were. I was about to go under anesthesia and into surgery. I would take a nap and would wake up to whatever my new and completely unknown future would hold.
It’s terrifying. But at the time I just had to keep moving forward.
It’s hard to wrap my mind around it all, but here are some of the things I’m learning as I continue to process it.